Ab ovo usque ad mala

Soft drinks

2009-09-10T14:07:00.001-07:00

Just found out the same people who make Virgil's Root Beer make ginger "brews", I guess they're like ginger ale or ginger beer. It's a company called Reed's. I'm going to conduct some scientific experiments to determine if they become my new favorite company. But they are hereby nominated.

Rumors

2009-08-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

I was at orientation yesterday and the Dean of Students mentioned a couple things about rumors, mainly that one should not believe them. That being said, even if all rumors were false, that would not mean that rumors are useless or should be ignored.

Rumors seem to start in an atmosphere of either boredom or fear. And even boredom is a type of fear: (often collective) fear that one's life has come to a place where meaning is fleeting, where one is not content with things as they are but is reluctant to venture anything to make them better.

Few ever seem to know where a rumor begins. Perhaps this is because the beginning of a rumor is so small that one does not notice it as such. It is a pine nut, a mustard seed.

A seed of rumor grows because it finds fertile ground. A rumor can confirm our worst fears. It can incite us to anger, or shock us in ways that the truth rarely does. I find rumor in the times when those around me are in a state of uncertainty and want definite answers that might never come.

Take, for instance, the rumor circulating about Obama's birth certificate. It wasn't founded on anything reasonable; rather, it grew out of people's fear and uncertainty about how to deal with circumstances.

I've been hearing that law school, especially the first year, is a lot like high school. We will be exposed to an abundance of stress, anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. We will be exposed ad nauseum to the people in our section.

I am too far removed from High School part I to remember what it was like with any clarity, but I do remember not being very preoccupied with what is commonly referred to as drama. I think this says a lot about the school, and also about me.

I can be fairly clueless when it comes to social interaction. Now, I do notice some things that others may not, but I realized a long time ago that paying attention to le drama is like looking at lightning: it may be thrilling to watch, but only for a moment--then it goes away and doesn't matter anymore.

I don't know anything for sure at this point. I haven't even started class! But I already have fears that I will be distracted from what I know to be really important by le drama. I think in high school, I was able to shrug it off because I knew that it didn't really matter. This sometimes with thoughts of how much better it would be in law school! How ironic.

The danger is that I will become so absorbed in this endeavor that I will lose my ability to shrug it off. It is so important to me! I don't want to screw it up. I told a new acquaintance yesterday that I am in "just don't screw up" mode right now. Not even trying to be super outstanding.

I am going into unknown territory. As far as I know, there has never been a rumor circulating about me. Perhaps I was blissfully unaware, or just too boring. Either way, the feeling I have right now resembles the feeling I sometimes got when I thought about going to a big scary public high school. I got scared that there would be people there that would have their priorities so totally screwed up that I wouldn't even be able to get along with them.

Yes, it is a great big wide world out there. Not everyone is going to like me--I know that now. Astonishing but true. And there is a reason I left home when I did, to join the big scary Army and go to a big scary University. My desire for positive change, for personal growth, for new experiences, for learning, for challenge, always outweighed my fear of big scary things.

When I hear a rumor I will take it for what it is: a reflection of the fears of my classmates. It will give me information on what we are all feeling and what we are anxious about. But God willing, I will be able to sort the good information from the bad. If I'm able to do that effectively, then I will feel better about how I will fare as a lawyer, sorting through and identifying the BS and getting at the essence of the thing.

Synching or sin sing?

2009-07-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

I've been synchronizing my phone with my PC for a while, and because of repeated exposure to something I've concluded is counterintuitive, I feel I must cast my vote on the proper spelling of the abbreviated progressive tense: Synching.

Here are three reasons why we should be synching and not syncing:

1. The pronunciation of "syncing" would naturally be "sin-sing."

2. "Synching" has been in use in print and online in the "lip synching" sense for decades now.

3. "Synching" more closely points back to the word it's abbreviating.

And here's a bonus reason:

4. "Syncing" just looks retarded.

Now, I know people would be tempted to read it "sin-ching" like they're celebrating monetary success ("I just won ten bucks at slots! Sin ching!"). They may even start classifying it as a homonym to "cinching." But I think there are enough words in the English language that use "ch" for the "k" sound, like school, archive, echo, ache, chaos... We will be ok as long as we do something about it now.

Let's get synching.

Paul Graham

2009-07-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

I will join the consensus on the Internet and cast my vote that Paul Graham is a genius. Samples of his essays:

Stuff
Identity

.

A slew of celebrity deaths

2009-06-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

David Carradine (72), Ed McMahon (86), Farrah Fawcett (62), Michael Jackson (50), Billy Mays (50).
And I am not the only one to have noticed this. Gentlemen, start up your conspiracy theories...Seriously, I kind of want to propose one of my own.
They weren't really young...some had health issues, some didn't. Man, man, woman; man, man: should we be expecting another famous woman to die now?
In Robert Ludlum style, I can't really imagine a plausible theory that these deaths would really fulfill some evildoer's devious plan. Depress the American public, so that...? Plus, I think that Michael Jackson alone would be enough.
Well, my money is on a famous woman to die. Some bloggers say Elizabeth Taylor. Who knows? I won't wish it on anyone. No one should have to go before their time.

No Uterus

2009-05-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

So a lot of people have already blogged about this but I still think it's weird. Being born without a uterus disqualifies you from joining the Army.

I would think it a plus.

Weird.

Ingenious lunch pail

2009-05-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

When I was in Iraq, the locals used to bring their lunches to work in these super cool lunch pails which consisted of 3 or 4 round pans about 2x7" that nestled on top of one another in a frame that held them tight...so like they were able to have bread, yogurt sauce, meat, tabbouleh or whatever, nice and separate. The stuff they brought was always tasty and they always shared.

I tried looking for a lunch pail like that on the internet. I couldn't find it. Guess I don't have the right keywords...

Challenge & Reward

2009-04-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

The things that are most challenging are often the most rewarding. But if you think about it, this is kind of self-evident because if we didn't think something challenging was going to be rewarding, we might not do it in the first place. Sure, holding your breath for a long time is challenging, but not terribly rewarding. That's why people don't do it a lot. Ha ha.

A bit of purely theoretical thought...

2009-04-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

6 billion people and counting.

I give birth to a son hoping that he will be able to support himself in this world.

I give birth to a daughter believing that she will be smart enough to get by.

I instill in them a moral sense that guides them to do unto others...

(In my heart I assert that they are better than those poor people)

(In my heart I know that my kids can beat them to the food)

(In my heart I realize that it cannot but come to this)

God, how possible is it to feed myself without taking food from someone else's mouth?

God forgive me!

Bank of America

2009-04-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

I just received the notice of rate increase for my card. Shame on you. This 25.65% APR is usurious in any sense of the word. This is an unabashed attempt to make profit off the economic circumstances of the people to whom you are lending money. Not only are you perpetuating the economic crisis by stealing purchasing power for your unreasonable rates, but you are taking blatant advantage of the bailout funds you just received from the government—funds paid for by the very persons from whom you are squeezing outrageous interest rates!

Instead of reorganizing the company to promote more efficient and responsible lending and banking practices, as the American public which is financing your rescue from failure would expect (and should demand!), you are continuing your state of denial of the measures you must—MUST—take in order for Bank of America to even continue to survive, let alone have the smallest chance of hoping to be competitive again.

This rate increase cannot but be symptomatic of an institutional disregard for the very society your company purports to serve, according to your marketing messages. Utter hypocrisy is the only way to describe the convergence of such abhorrent interest rates and such ostensibly customer-oriented promotion. Instead of building the community which you are milking for your selfish ends, you are directly destroying it by stripping it of its capital. No one can say that Bank of America is working toward our common AMERICAN or global goal of peace and equal opportunity; we may easily say it is working against us.

I now equate your institution with loan-sharking, payday lenders, usury, abuse of power, deception, nondisclosure, and practices that until only recently were ILLEGAL. I regret deeply the day I enmeshed my financial future with this sorry organization. Had I the means to pay off my balance in full and terminate any dealings with Bank of America, I would do so. However, I am trying to finish my legal education so that I can prevent and punish these kinds of unjust practices. Rejecting the rate increase was fortunately an option that I could choose, but I know that there are millions of credit card customers who cannot afford to stop using their credit card at this time of their lives and will spiral further down into the cycle of credit that you are doing nothing to ameliorate, and everything to escalate.

You would do well, for both your employees and your customers, to immediately decrease these rates which you have effected. Though this will do little to change my personal opinion of Bank of America, it will at least provide some targeted, much-needed, real relief to those who simply cannot and, more pertinently, SHOULD NOT pay these rates.

Sincerely,
Sarah J. Miller

TV exec beheads wife who filed for divorce

2009-02-17T10:44:00.000-08:00

I think this speaks for itself.

"BUFFALO, N.Y. – Police say an upstate New York television executive who sought to improve the image of Muslims in the media beheaded his wife after she filed for divorce.

"Muzzammil Hassan is charged with murdering his wife, Aasiya Hassan. Police say she had an order of protection against her husband and he had been kicked out of the house they shared in Orchard Park, near Buffalo.

"They accuse the 44-year-old Hassan of cutting off his wife's head at the TV station where he launched his Bridges TV network in 2004. In an AP interview, he said he hoped the network would balance negative portrayals of Muslims following the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks.

"Hassan surrendered at the police station after his wife's death."

The extra women are senior citizens

2008-12-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been doing a lot of research into the polygynous (polygamous) lifestyle. Some of you might recall my post about polyandry a while ago. Part of my research included spending some time on a pro-polygamy website. Even though "polygamy" means "multiple spouses," the site purports only to be pro-polygyny (multiple wives), which in itself is part of the hypocrisy. Anyway, that's another issue. The following is a response to a comment someone had made about polyandry being a nonissue because, as he put it, "In a general society there are simply more women." I did a bit of googling and number crunching and here's what I came up with. Note the slight difference in demographics, age 65 for world stats vs. age 54 for US stats:

It is not true that there are "simply more women" in "a general society."

The male-to-female ratio for the entire world population is 1.01 males/female, with 1.06 at birth, still 1.06 for those under 15, 1.03 for those between 15 and 64, and 0.79 for those over 65.

So, for the world there are more men than women in every age group except old people well past their childbearing years. Also I would say, well past wanting to get married if they haven’t already, or marry again if they have.

It is true that there are about 4,303,361 "extra women" in the United States.

The male-to-female ratio for the population of the United States is .97 males/female, with 1.05 at birth, still 1.05 for those under 15, 1.02 for those between 15 and 54, and 0.82 for those over 54; 51 is the average age for menopause in American women.

All of the "extra women" are 54 years or older. So, if 2 or 3 million polygynists would commit to marrying all the extra women over age 54 I'm sure that would make them happy.

Please use statistics wisely and correctly.

I know that accepting this information as fact will seriously undermine your mathematical defense of polygyny. However, perhaps this just means that you will have to focus on other aspects besides statistics.

For instance, polygyny could be posited as the demographic counterpart to male homosexuality, and perhaps you could argue that as long as adults are free to make these choices, both lifestyles are acceptable. (Although you might have a hard time putting this past female homosexuals.)

Or, you could argue from a biological standpoint, where as with lions, the females mate only with the most desirable male and thus strengthen the gene pool because the other males are unable to pass on their less-desirable genetic information.

Or, you could say that polygyny is perfectly acceptable from a moral standpoint as long as it is used wisely. For example, it can be traditionally recognized as a useful means to populate or repopulate an area when this has to be done quickly, and then the practice can cease until it needs to be used again.

Sources: CIA World Factbook and US Census Bureau.

Something bigger than yourself, part 2

2008-12-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

I'm in the news today:

"In downtown Los Angeles, the Bank of America office near Pershing Square shut their doors before the official closing time to avoid the real possibility of having protesters come in to disrupt business there. Picketers chanted, “Bank of America, shame on you, save the plant for Chicago workers;” “Bail out the people, not the banks;” and “Banks got bailed out, they got sold out, justice, justice for UE workers.” Protesters included activists from Bayan-USA, SEIU Local 721, Labor-Community Coalition and the International Action Center."

Here's the whole article.

Okay, so I'm not mentioned by name. But I was there. My American Lit prof handed me the email yesterday morning in class because I had mentioned in Monday's class that contrary to what he said, there were in fact some people protesting the plight of the worker and I cited the sit-in at Chicago at Republic Windows and Doors. So I decided that this was a chance to make a statement for something I believed in. I was also really excited about this kind of nationwide solidarity.

Truth be told, there weren't more than 20 people there, and we definitely would not have gone into the lobby. But hey. It was effective. There was a lot of foot traffic, plenty of people in cars saw our signs, and we made at least one news source. KNX 1070 as well as Azteca 64 were there, so I don't know if we got mention in those outlets.

It was funny when we got there, because the news people were there, the police were there, but I couldn't find any other protesters. They were all a little late. :D A few minutes of walking around with my poster looking silly, then the organizer showed up. We stood on the corner waving at cars, then started marching around the bank entrance.

Afterward, Austin & I went and got some pizza. Wednesday is date night.

I would do it again.

Something bigger than yourself

2008-11-25T12:53:00.001-08:00

Michael Vick was in the news again today. His name's become synonymous with dogfighting.

One very astute blogger put it into perspective. He mentioned that in 1998 Rams DL Leonard Little got 90 days jail time for killing Susan Gutweiler while driving drunk.

Killing person: 90 days

Killing dogs: 23 months

Anything wrong here?

P.S. Little publicly expressed regret but got pulled over for the same thing in 2004. They tried to prosecute him as a repeat offender (felony), but his lawyers got him off and all he was convicted of was speeding.

Shit, people. This is the kind of stuff I want to change when I'm a judge.

Personal Statement, draft 5

2008-11-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

I would appreciate any feedback you all may have :)

I have wanted to be a lawyer for a very long time.

I have experienced some things in my life so far. I draw on these experiences with each new endeavor. I think about these advantages as get ready to start law school.

I am a member of the United States Army National Guard.

I took 20 weeks of mentally and physically rigorous initial training, which I completed with highest compliments from peers and supervisors alike. One Drill Sergeant commented as I left the training facility, that it is a shame that such an excellent soldier is National Guard and not full-time Regular Army. I beat out 21 males and 6 females for the top spot in the 10-week vehicle maintenance course I took.

I spent the whole of 2004 in Iraq with a transportation company of 120 soldiers; only 14 were female. I know how to thrive in a male-dominated environment.

My job in Iraq was to liaise with and supervise groups of Iraqi workers, most of whom did not speak English. I guided them through security procedures and interacted with them with an eye to improving relations between our countries, even though this was not a popular practice with my fellow soldiers at the time. After six months I had learned to write and read Arabic, and to communicate effectively with the workers.

The weather ranged from a chilly 28° to an almost unbreathable 128°F, in which I had to walk miles wearing a 26 lb flak vest, 3 lb Kevlar helmet, 3L of water, and an 8 lb rifle. I know how to keep going even when it is not easy.

I celebrated my 20^th birthday in a dining facility there, alone and thankful to be alive. I know how to self-motivate.

I started a 6-piece band while I was there, and we played once a week to a small crowd, with two larger concerts during the year for our fellow soldiers. The larger one drew over 2,000 participants from within the multinational base in Al-Taji. We would practice twice a week even in the months when we were under constant mortar fire and threat of attack. I know how to rise above my circumstances.

In the years since, my National Guard career has advanced while I continue my civilian life. I was promoted to Sergeant (E-5) in 2006 at age 22, after only 3 years of service.

My bachelor degree has been 5 years in the making.

After returning from basic training in 2003, I started college. I had almost completed the first semester before I was called to serve my country. Despite coming home in the middle of a semester, having already missed 2, I returned to school in Fall 2005 and will graduate in 2009 with an English degree and a Spanish minor.

I carry 16 to 17 units per semester, never content to do the minimum. Instead of an easier math course, I took calculus to fulfill the GE requirement. Instead of an easier physical science course, I took physics in my first semester. Instead of stopping my study of Spanish at the minimum, I chose to advance my knowledge of this second language. I do these things because I believe strongly in taking advantage of every opportunity to learn something.

My upbringing prepared me to face unique challenges.

When I was 5, my parents decided they wanted to become Bible translators in Nairobi, Kenya. My dad quit his well-paid job as a software engineer and sold our house in LA. We all started learning Swahili, and went to Oregon, then Texas, then back to California, so my parents could attend linguistics training. We got rid of most of our possessions, and at one point were, a family of 5, living on about $25,000 a year. We went without beds for years because we didn’t want to be troubled with furniture. We would go from church to church and house to house drumming up support for our cause. I remember these times as some of the happiest of my life, even though we never made it to Africa. I know what it takes to live for what I believe in.

From 1993-1997, my brother, sister and I were home-schooled, mostly self-directed. The curriculum was literature- and research-based, allowing us ample time and inspiration to explore the things that interested us most. When we returned to traditional school, we were significantly ahead of our peers.

With my well-rounded background, Mexican-Czechoslovakian-British heritage, experiences as a woman in male-dominated arenas, and knowledge of so many cultures, I will bring a wholly unique perspective to the study of law. I will bring my expectation of challenges, in and far beyond law school. I will bring a confidence born of hard-earned lessons. Above all, I will bring the unwavering commitment I have brought to everything else I have accomplished thus far.

2008-10-25T21:53:00.001-07:00

Sagoyewatha (Red Lion), 1805

2008-09-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

"You say that you are sent to instruct us how to worship the Great Spirit agreeable to His mind. And if we do not take hold of the religion which you white people teach, we shall be unhappy hereafter. You say that you are right, and we are lost. How do you know this to be true? We understand that your religion is written in a book. If it was intended for us as well as for you, why has not the Great Spirit given it to us, and not only to us, but why did He not give to our forefathers knowledge of that book, with the means of understanding it rightly? We only know what you tell us about it. How shall we know when to believe, being so often deceived by the white man?

"Brother, you say there is but one way to worship and serve the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it? Why not all agree, as you can all read the book?

"Brother, we do not understand these things. We are told that your religion was given to your forefathers and has been handed down from father to son. We also have a religion, which was given to our forefathers, and has been handed down to us, their children. We worship that way. It teaches us to be thankful for all the favors we receive; to love each other, and to be united. We never quarrel about religion.

"Brother, the Great Spirit has made us all, but He has made a great difference between his white and red children. He has given us a different complexion and different customs. To you He has given the arts. To these He has not opened our eyes. We know these things to be true. Since He has made so great a difference between us in other things, why may we not conclude that He has given us a different religion according to our understanding? The Great Spirit does right. He knows what is best for his children; we are satisfied."

Indian chief, address to white missionaries.

Melamine

2008-09-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading the news and I see something about kidney stones in Chinese babies. It's been traced back to melamine-tainted baby formula.

Hold on.

Melamine?!?

I have mixing bowls made of melamine. Like, hard plastic stuff.

Okay, (universally recognized authoritative source) Wikipedia says that there's a difference between melamine and melamine resin (made with melamine and formaldehyde...much safer!). It also says melamine is useful as a fire retardant and pesticide. Goody.

The most interesting part about this was here, in a post by David Goldstein. I found this when I googled "why would manufacturers put melamine." So apparently the melamine inexpensively beefs up the "protein analysis" in food products (including pet food, which was the source of the recall last year). But the weirdest thing is where they get this stuff: it's a byproduct of burnt coal.

So...David Goldstein says a lot about this, including that food with melamine in it has been fed to livestock, including hogs, for years; and that as a result, Americans have probably been ingesting it, too, in that time. His post is interesting and really eye-opening, worth the time to read.

But that's not the point. The point is, that this latest development is so...symbolic. I could make a comparison between the attitude of Americans toward their pets and that of Chinese toward their children. Or, how about a snarky comment about them getting a taste of their own medicine. "That one-child policy not working too well for you guys?" Maybe even a sighing, head-shaking addition to the pile of flattened human rights there. Honestly, though, the thing that strikes me most about these babies is the sadness.

You know...

That feeling where it's just no fun to say "I told you so."

Gattaca

2008-04-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

I was reading the LA Times today and there is a story that I heard about yesterday on NPR about a bill that’s in the senate that establishes that HMOs cannot discriminate against people based on their genetic makeup, specifically genes that are known to predispose them to certain diseases like breast cancer and Alzheimer’s.

Of course, this immediately reminded me of the movie Gattaca with Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Jude Law.

It also reminded me of another phenomenon that we studied in my race & ethnicity course this semester, called “redlining.” It’s a practice whereby racial minorities are denied access to housing opportunities in certain neighborhoods because their presence there could drive values down. It’s interesting because the practice doesn’t necessarily reflect prejudice on the part of the agents themselves, only a recognition of the fact that in neighborhoods where black residents live, white residents can have the tendency to move away, thus creating a riskier situation.

We read of a specific example of this; it was an account by a college professor who was a black woman trying to purchase a home in a distant area and conducting the transaction solely by phone. Nearing the end of the process, the agent faxed her some paperwork to sign, including a mandatory equal opportunity something or other in which he had indicated her race as “white.” Though she was hesitant, she corrected the error and soon found that the bank was asking for a much higher interest rate and down payment, even though this kind of disclosure was meant to discourage the practice that it was in fact facilitating.

In the movie, genetic discrimination was also illegal, but at the beginning Ethan Hawke’s voiceover explains that employers found easy ways around it in the form of “voluntary” drug tests or simply a “found” sample like a hair or skin particle. So I’m skeptical.

P.S. The professor fought the practice and was eventually able to purchase the house under the original terms.

Polyandry

2008-04-21T15:22:00.001-07:00

What's the social difference between polygamy & polyandry (multiple husbands)?

I know, there have been all sorts of biological explanations against monogamy in men, but I haven't heard much for the converse. Is this debate fueled by a patriarchal bent?

I just realized how stupid that last question sounds. Of course it is. No doubt there is a double standard for men & women in terms of sexuality and society...just look at Carmen Kontur-Gronquist.

Austin & I were talking about this yesterday. I asked him, "Is it realistic to expect you to be monogamous for the rest of your life?" and we both agreed, no. Then I asked him, "Is it reasonable to ask you to be monogamous for the rest of your life?" and we said, probably.

It's a social question more than anything. Societal norms say a lot of things. To me, they say that it's totally normal to expect to have a monogamous man-woman relationship for the rest of my life, to give birth to biological children, and to grow old and be irrelevant.

I wonder where the polyandrous cult is.

I was reading about polyandry in Tibet. It seems to be a result of geographic and economic conditions.

This is getting too random. I guess my main point was equality. If the men can do it, why not the women? Also, could there be a strong biological/evolutionary argument for polyandry in terms of competitive sperm or something?

David Paterson

2008-03-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

David Paterson, the first black governor of New York state, was sworn in this morning and made a few interesting comments as he was being welcomed into office:

"This transition today is an historic message to the world: That we live by the same values that we profess, and we are a government of laws, not individuals."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't our government supposed to be "of the people, by the people, for the people"?

There's something wrong with the way Paterson said what he said...and I'm still not quite sure why he said it. I mean, I know he was trying to provide a contrast between the actions and words of Eliot Spitzer, and to communicate that no one is above the law...but he went too far.

On the one hand I see his call to a sort of community spirit idea. Which is fine.

On the other hand I see a tendency to spew rhetoric without actually thinking about its meaning. Any rational citizen would assert that government is not composed of laws. Laws do not enforce themselves. Laws do not answer the phone when you dial 9-1-1, or deliver the mail, or make arrests, or decide the outcome of a criminal trial. People do that.

There are plenty of laws out there that are very silly, but the fact that they're there doesn't mean that we have a government.

What do you guys think?

Focus on the positive

2008-02-29T14:11:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to focus on the positive instead of the negative, to seek out the ways in which the imperfection of the world is not keeping it from getting better. To this end, I wanted to share this:

PTDD

2008-02-27T11:48:00.001-08:00

3 huge projects

2008-02-24T23:12:00.000-08:00

I just figured out why my life is so difficult.

3 Huge Projects.

1. Earning a bachelor's degree.
2. Being engaged.
3. Forming a new household.

I can't just focus on one like normal people. I'm doing all three at once. Oy.

Yin and yang

2008-02-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

Just some reflections on balancing forces...

I was reading an article in Time some time ago about Mother Teresa and some of the things she had written in personal letters to her confessor. The story was, even though she's being considered for sainthood and people thought she was very pious and stuff, the letters contain accounts of a long, constant feeling of being forsaken by God, of not feeling the presence of God for decades on end.

This began a discussion within the article about the things that great people do--or maybe the great things people do. It is speculated that there are certain people for whom great success is too much to handle without some great debilitation. A "thorn in the flesh," if you will. These types of people can only achieve their great success if they also feel like they have some great failing. Perhaps it's an attempt to be normal. Geniuses are crazy, presidents philander...

The article discussed this concept in relation to how Mother Teresa could remain so humble in the face of all the great things she had a hand in making happen.

It comes to mind again now, and I think of the Roman Catholic church. Though I'm not fully versed in their theology and doctrine, I know there is a great emphasis placed on guilt and penance. (We watched a movie in Spanish class that was about a nun. Probably has something to do with it.)

I think to myself that this must be one reason why Catholicism is so popular. Perhaps it provides a structure within which people can justify their overachievement. I can see the appeal of accomplishing great things but being able to deflect accusations of pride with this sense of having a great failing and paying for it.

Can this be termed false humility?

I can't help but come back to Jesus. What would he think? He's the one who abolished the sacrificial system, the tit for tat, never-ending cycle in which we can never get ahead. The older you get, living that way, the more miserable you become. It's like holding a never-ending grudge against yourself.

I've made many mistakes in the last couple months, done a lot of things I'm not particularly proud of while accomplishing a lot of really good things. Fundamentally, genuinely good things. But I can't help but think that I'm driven in part by a sense of...fairness. Or, for the things that I've done wrong, I must make up by overcompensating. Compensation is the operative term...I shall pay for what I've done and then after that, make a positive contribution. Like my good deeds outweigh the bad. I have to do something bad to motivate me to do something good.

I realize it's empty. I find myself needing another sound motivation from which I can draw to do good things. I suppose that's where love comes in...I'm so far away from the things I learned as a child...where I am right now, I feel they're rare. There's so little love here...only vengeance. Spitefulness. Name-calling. Blaming. Yelling.

But I suppose complaining is not the way to fix it.

I'm trying to be an example of love. Loving deeds, mostly. It's hard to love someone you don't know that well. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I'm not so good at the joy part. Ironic, really.

No real conclusion...

Christmas newsletter

2007-12-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

What is the point of Christmas newsletters? I personally find the ones from people I don't know to be boring as I have no point of reference upon which to relate, and the ones from people I know to be redundant (because I already know what's going on) or inaccurate (because they're embellishing).

I know people try to put their best foot forward. Even I admit this when Austin tells me when he reads my blog and doesn't recognize the person writing. I mean, is someone going to try to make themselves look bad?

Also many times people cannot write. I remember one Christmas newsletter that was four pages long--all one paragraph. It was like a marathon getting through that one.

So here's my try. Short and sweet. Because most of the time I cannot remember anyway.

January: Utah for army training. Cold as hell.
February thru May: School. Four A's and a B.
June: Backpack trip. 2 wisdom teeth out.
July: Veg. I think.
August: Get engaged. Work at Walmart.
September thru December: School. Quit Walmart.
All year: broke and happy.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Children.

2007-12-15T22:38:00.001-08:00

Small people with little or no education or experience.
Individuals whose potentialities are exponentially higher than the rest of the population.
Any other interesting ways of looking at this age group?

The little people (children part II)

2007-12-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think...
It's a good thing. Ha ha.
Sometimes I think that we view children differently than other people in our lives. I'm not around children that much so maybe my vote doesn't count. But I think about people in general a lot. How I interact with them...how I view each person...and it seems young people sometimes are not afforded personhood. Not like, rights as an adult. But more like as individuals who should be afforded the same unique approach as other people we come into contact with. I guess the difference for me would be a patient understanding that they don't have the thick skin and some of the social skills adults are supposed to have. Plus, for me personally, I saw the progress from childhood to adulthood as a gradual weaning away from self. And I know some children are very considerate people, but for me growing more into an adult was about learning to stop living for myself. (By no means is this process done.)

Posting in Spanish

2007-12-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

Posting in Spanish
Current mood: sheepish

Such outcry! I never thought I would cause this much uproar posting in Spanish!

The truth is, my lovely friends and family, I wrote these things for Spanish class...I spent so much time on them I didn't want to let them go to waste. I'm really proud of the fact that I can now produce intelligible content in another language.

But these articles are pretty inane, by my English standards. I hate to admit it, but if I translated them for you you'd be bored.

I think, though, that maybe in the future I'll start posting the translation for blogs I write in Spanish that actually correspond to something I'd write in English.

It's still so much work! It takes, on average, about four times as long for me to write in Spanish as it does in English...and even then I always make a lot of mistakes.

¿Que quiere ser Beowulf?

2007-12-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

La película Beowulf, que ahora aparece en el cine in 3-D en toda la nación, tiene muchos aspectos fascinantes, como la animación digital, el cuento viejo, el humor, el sexo, y la acción por mencionar poco. Pero, es muy confusa en vez de ser ecléctica.
Puede ser el cuento clásico. Se usa el inglés antiguo, y es muy correcto hablar este idioma, como pronunciación y acento. En términos de exactitud, los trajes y la arquitectura son bien hechos. Sin embargo, no sigue el cuento original exactamente.
Puede ser el viaje visual hermoso. Es en 3-D, y el dispositivo se usa bien. Además, los colores, efectos, y técnicas dramáticas contentan los ojos. Puede ser película de acción. Después de todo, es sobre el guerrero Beowulf y cómo peleaba en su vida. Hay muchas escenas de peleas energéticas, con mucha sangre y ruina.
Pero al final uno se siente confundido, porque la película trata de ser todo para todos. Por eso no es casi nada para nadie, sino algo que necesita interpretación. No obstante, gaste su dinero en verla porque hace muchas cosas bien y por lo menos puede ignorar que no le gusta y disfrutar mucho lo que le gusta.

ohhhh dear

2007-12-12T01:22:00.001-08:00

Bitter-sweet.

2007-12-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

AH my deare angrie Lord,
Since thou dost love, yet strike;
Cast down, yet help afford;
Sure I will do the like.

I will complain, yet praise;
I will bewail, approve:
And all my sowre-sweet dayes
I will lament, and love.

from The Temple (1633), by George Herbert

Fe escondida

2007-12-10T14:32:00.000-08:00

Esta elección tiene sus primeros, como Hillary la mujer presidente posible, Barack el hombre afroamericano presidente posible, y también más sutil, Mitt Romney el mormón presidente posible. Pero Mitt no está muy abierto de hablar de su fe.
Mucha gente tiene curiosidad de saber más de su fe, porque muchos creen que la religión es muy significativa en hacer decisiones administrativas como presidente o cualquier cargo político.
Antes, no ha habido ningún presidente mormón nunca y por eso se piensa que Mitt no tiene ninguna oportunidad de ser presidente.
Sin embargo, a causa de su posición de mormón y demócrata, es posible que pueda atraer gente de muchos lados. Muchas veces, es el hombre que no se adapta a ningún grupo que puede unirlos más eficazmente.
Pero también el caso podría ser que al esconder y no compartir sus opiniones y creencias, la gente puede preguntarse sobre qué otras cosas está mantiéndose en secreto.

Thinking for myself

2007-12-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

I've been grappling with a lot of deep stuff lately, including the population problem; marriage; communication, conflict, compromise; social responsibility and some other things. The thing I've noticed is that even though I think I'm a pretty smart person, I previously have been in the habit of deferring the practice of thinking about these things and analyzing them, with an eye to reaching a decision or stance, to other people like my dad, pastor Don, Robin, or other people who have told me what to think and that I trust.

I'm just coming into my own as someone who is able to give thorough analysis to an issue AND make a decision or take a stance. I had this feeling that in previous moments in my life I had been viewing myself more like how I saw John Kerry, who, I got the impression, thought a lot about things and was very smart & articulate, but had a hard time coming to the crux of a matter in the form of a succinct decision.

This is not to say that I think issues like this should be reduced to a soundbite or the dialogue ends with my ruling; on the contrary, I think my reticence to come to decisions rested on the recognition that these debates flowed far before my time and will continue to run through and beyond my lifespan.

This is a great argument for indecision.

However, the indecision becomes inadequate when it cripples. Surely it is acknowledged that one of the main goals (the main goal?) of rational thought, debate, and investigation is to improve. Make better. Ameliorate, share. Progress.

Does that mean that women and men of action do not recognize this or are stupid or ignorant or ostrich-headed?

I think we would all agree; no.

Rabbit trail:
I have often surmised that the very smartest people in the world are able to realize certain things about themselves, including their weaknesses, and use these realizations in order to make their lives better. It was my hypothesis that if someone were really smart, they would have the best lives because it would be they who would best be able to find the quickest path to [happiness] or whatever you want to call "living the best possible life."
So I say to myself, Sarah, if you were really smart you wouldn't be this miserable. So either you're not smart or you haven't applied your brain to fixing your problems. Get crackin!

With this in mind, I sought to move beyond [pure academic foofooing in the ether] because obviously if the world operated like that nothing would get done and we would all die.

This is where Gandhi comes in.

He was a smart guy, a lawyer (!) (among other things). But all the stuff he did in his life, including the whole "casting off of colonial British rule" thing, he called experiments.

Veeeeerrry interesting.

The thing is, a bunch of people sitting in a room somewhere cannot think something through so that every detail works out perfectly. Duh, but sometimes I try to do just that. I have to go out and experiment to see if what I think works.

This has some implications. Number one, people cannot come to definite conclusions by sitting in that same room somewhere debating, because they do not have all the information that would make that definite conclusion possible.

Which brings me to number two, that would make them God, wouldn't it? If, by simply thinking and talking, people were able to declare what is truth and what is not?

Caveat: I'm not talking here about verifiable facts--like the temperature today--which, of course, are "true." I'm referring to answers to questions like "What exactly must be done to end world hunger?" and "How do you have a successful marriage?" and "Is man inherently good or inherently evil?" and "Is there a just war?"

If I can never be sure if my ideas will work like I want them to or not, I have to ~go~ gather evidence to show that previous experiments indicate my idea will work, and I have to ~go~ try it out to see if it will work.

(See why you learned the scientific method in the fifth grade?)

I can't be so sure of the rightness of myself and the wrongness of other people. Maybe they're just trying a different experiment. Wait and see what works.

The point is rather surprising.

The POINT is.

The point IS.

Don't just sit there, do something!

Popcorn

2007-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

Austin's sister gave me a hot air popper for popcorn a while ago, and I figured out popcorn is a great snack food slash light dinner if you make it & season it yourself & don't mind flossing. I use smart balance, pepper, and parmesan-romano-asiago cheese blend. Not too many calories or too much sodium; light; fills you up.

Back to work.

Here I am

2007-11-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

Here I am.

I've lost the music

2007-11-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

I've lost the music.

There was a time in my life when I made music. I didn't make it up but I was involved in a creative process, interpretation. I was not that bad at it. I really enjoyed it.

But now it seems I've lost the music. There are certainly other things in my life to which I apply myself creatively...but I'm not as good at any of them as I was at the music.

I think some of this feeling of loss comes partially from the winter season, which right now feels like a time for me to look back and remember stuff.

It's...an empty feeling. While other aspects of my life feel full, that particular part feels empty.

I know exactly what happened. I was there for every part of it. I made all the decisions that led to where I am now. I know that some important things in my life would have suffered had I not...given up the music.

But still I mourn for it.

Christian Nonviolence

2007-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if anyone would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. (attributed to Jesus in Matthew 5:38-41, Revised Standard Version)

"Many who have committed their lives to working for change and justice in the world simply dismiss Jesus' teachings about nonviolence as impractical idealism. And with good reason. 'Turn the other cheek' suggests the passive, Christian doormat quality that has made so many Christians cowardly and complicit in the face of injustice. 'Resist not evil' seems to break the back of all opposition to evil and counsel submission. 'Going the second mile' has become a platitude meaning nothing more than 'extend yourself.' Rather than fostering structural change, such attitudes encourage collaboration with the oppressor.

"Jesus never behaved in such ways. Whatever the source of the misunderstanding, it is neither Jesus nor his teaching, which, when given a fair hearing in its original social context, is arguably one of the most revolutionary political statements ever uttered.

"When the court translators working in the hire of King James chose to translate antistenai as 'Resist not evil,' they were doing something more than rendering Greek into English. They were translating nonviolent resistance into docility. The Greek word means more than simply to 'stand against' or 'resist.' It means to resist violently, to revolt or rebel, to engage in an insurrection. Jesus did not tell his oppressed hearers not to resist evil. His entire ministry is at odds with such a preposterous idea. He is, rather, warning against responding to evil in kind by letting the oppressor set the terms of our opposition.

"A proper translation of Jesus' teaching would then be, 'Do not retaliate against violence with violence.' Jesus was no less committed to opposing evil than the anti-Roman resistance fighters like Barabbas. The only difference was over the means to be used."

(Excerpt from "Christian Nonviolence," by Walter Wink http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?ItemID=6889)

Veteran's Day

2007-11-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Veterans Day, and today I guess is a bank holiday. Here's the story:

I, a veteran, try to deposit my paycheck at the bank. So, on this day honoring me and all those other veterans, I receive a closed door and a wasted trip.

Thanks, guys.

Space Cowboy

2007-10-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

Some people call me a space cowboy...

Not really. Just popped into my head. I've been listening to Daft Punk, who makes electronic-type music with a lot of space and technology themes.

For now, I've decided not to give in to the Rolling Stone convention of using a plural noun with any band name, even if it isn't a plural noun. For example: you can safely say "The Beatles play here often." But it's more sketchy to say "Daft Punk play here often." Sure, there are two people in the band. But would you say something like "The president's cabinet answer his questions" or "My family live here"? I do believe I learned about collective nouns in, oh, it must've been like THE FOURTH GRADE.

It's ok, RS magazine, I still like you. Rolling Stone still have a lot of good articles.

2007-08-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm scheduled to take the LSAT on Groundhog Day next year, so I've started to study for it. Thanks to dad, I have a pretty good idea of which schools to apply to...even though the data may be old when I get back from deployment. But I can always update. Math is a powerful thing.

The prep is fun. It's basically sample tests that test your logical reasoning. Like, there are four people, and they all have four different names, and are eating four different things, and mr smith is to the right of the guy eating pancakes, and the guy in the blue chair is not eating french toast, and the guy in the red chair is sitting across from the guy in the green chair, so who is eating an omelette? Stuff like that. I think it's fun.

Um...work was a little better yesterday. I wanted to talk to a manager about the situation...but I didn't. I guess I'll try again today. I...have...little...motivation...to do...things. But the ladies in dept 34 are nice. They are very positive. There's kind of a lot to do there so we have to work as a team, and communicate...it takes my mind off the other stuff that's going on. One of them is older and calls me "love." She's a sweet lady.

Austin's been great through this. He's very understanding and patient. I think he's a superhero. I've never met anyone who's stronger mentally than I am. He amazes me and encourages me.

I guess if I think about it, he and my dad are the only ones close to me about whom I can say that.

Austin & I are going to visit the Getty on Thursday. I'm excited! I haven't been there since we went with Uncle Ted, the girls, and Grandma Sharon; Dan, Ruth, and mom too I think. I'm really looking forward to the wonderful views, and the yummy caféteria with the wonderful views. (I just made that word up. It's like, cafeteria style, but with café-style seating and feel.)

I'm still processing everything that's going on. Right now I get these spurts of injustice in my stomach. But I know that even though I didn't create the problems, I am the only one who can do anything about them. And that feels unjust. I want to say my time is precious to me, but I waste so much every day...I don't know. It's still valuable to me. My energy. My mental capacity. I am completely unmotivated to devote any of those resources to what I feel doesn't deserve them. But then I realize, again, that I am the only one who cares to change the situation. And if I don't, it affects me negatively. So it behooves me to take care of it.

Credibility

2007-08-15T00:47:00.000-07:00

I ran across this photo as I was reading the news.

"An elderly Iraqi woman shows two bullets which she says hit her house following an early coalition forces raid in the predominantly Shiite Baghdad suburb of Sadr City."
I'm not quite sure how the bullets--still in their casings, unshot--could have hit her house, unless somebody threw them...maybe it's symbolic. The picture seems very staged to me. "Here, hold these and look victimized." It really doesn't lend credibility to anybody.

Confluence

2007-08-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I found out I was being deployed again.
On Sunday, Austin proposed to me.
On Monday, I got accused of stealing at work.

So I'll treat each topic at a time.

Saturday was actually an ok day. I went to drill, but not too early, and we basically just took some online courses and I had a pleasant lunch with two other female soldiers whom I like and who are cool. And I found out I'm being deployed again in February. Which I kinda knew was coming. But it still affected me.

Sunday was a little crazier. I had to be at drill at 5 am, so that we could go to this ceremony. So that was weird. Then, after we were released early, I get home around 1:30 and Austin & I have an interesting time. Lots of drama. Very atypical for me. Austin asks me to marry him. I say yes. He goes to work. Went to bed late. Was up for a long time altogether on Sunday...like, 4 am til 11 or 12...like 19 or 20 hours...

So Monday comes along. I am already experiencing drama at work, mostly with scheduling, and I've only been there 2 weeks. I'm already uneasy because I'm submitting my availability for the school year that day, and I feel like a special case. It feels like the people in personnel are getting sick of me. So I get called into the back office a little later in the afternoon and am informed that there were significant shortages on Thursday & Friday on my registers. I am not allowed to be a cashier anymore; I am a security risk. I am offered a position in Ladies' Wear (Dept 34). I take a pay cut of 20 cents an hour. I experience massive confusion and self-doubt.

Austin & I have another interesting time on the phone, to the tune of over 3 hours. I would say the issue was resolved...though I think we both exceeded our limits...it was very late...

Currently: things are ok I guess. I'll feel funny at work. I didn't have a problem with going to work. I liked it. I liked being busy, I liked the interaction...time went quickly. I worked a little in dept 34 yesterday. It was frustrating. The clothes don't always have a home. And finding the home is often difficult. And there are always more to sort. The job is never ending. And I get paid less to do it.

I had two thoughts in my head as I listened to the job offer yesterday. "We're supposed to terminate you, but instead we're going to offer you a position in ladies wear...we can't let you work a register anymore because you're a security risk...do you accept? It's a pay cut...20 cents I think." I thought, I remember how much of a pain in the ass it was to get the job in the first place...do I really want to go through that again? I also thought, I do need the money. But I also had the urge to say, screw it. Which is also atypical for me. I didn't though. I didn't quit.

I'm average

2007-08-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

Q: What is considered to be the average size woman in America? Debbie, Grand Prairie, Texas

A: According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average U.S. woman is 5' 3.7 (162 centimeters) tall and weighs 152 pounds (69 kilograms). This corresponds to a Body Mass Index of 26.3 kilograms/meters², which is slightly less than the average man's.

The average American woman is tall enough for an astronaut (minimum height, 4' 10.5) but falls short of the average Miss America winner (5' 6.5) and is about the same height as the shortest president (James Madison, 5' 4).

Letter to friends

2007-06-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

"Thanks peach for taking time to let us know what's going on...we missed you on Friday! I really liked Pastor Jojo's sermon too, it really spoke to what I'm going through and challenged me, a lot.

"Well, somebody already knows what I've been going through this week, but just to clue you all in:

"It's boyfriend stuff (What else!). Basically, I was faced with deciding what was God's will for my life, whether He wanted me to get married or not. It came from the stuff Austin & I are starting, mostly saving money to get married and because I had not yet answered this question for myself, I was having a hard time being on the same page as he. Austin has no doubts. But I did. Long story short, God used my parents, the Bible, several helpful web pages, prayer and His special revelation to show me that the things that I want to do in my life, I can't do without help, and that He was giving me Austin to be my helper, my partner.

"That was big. The impact of the revelation, the moment when I broke down before my God and told Him, 'Okay. I will do what you want.' I was crying and for the first time in months, I was at peace. My friends will tell you that I am always worrying, always anxious about something. It's something I struggle with. But at that moment I had the answer to a question that I had been asking ever since I was a lonely junior higher with acne and no friends, and I heard about people like Paul the Apostle and Jesus and all the people who never got married. I kinda thought I was supposed to be lonely for my whole life, because I was so used to it. It was my 'fate.'

"God wants us to be happy. I know it's not a huge surprise, but for me it is so difficult to strike that fine balance between what I, me, I want, and denying that to serve God. When's the point at which we 'give in' to our desires? I think my dad put it best: If you are actively seeking God's will, praying, reading your Bible, going to church, surrounding yourself with other members of God's family, doing your best to obey Him, and, most importantly, earnestly seeking to do His will, the things that you desire will be the things God desires for you!

"Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

"This verse I just now remembered. I started crying again because I felt so silly forgetting it! Duh! No wonder my dad said what he said.

"Point: God is good. He doesn't want us to be miserable.

"I love you guys! I hope and pray that He works in your lives to make you into, happy, FULFILLED women of God.
Love to my sisters from our Father!"

marmelad