I have been experiencing lately feelings of loneliness and frustration due to the fact that I exercise, but not primarily to improve my outward physical appearance. The main reason I exercise, which I manage to do approximately every other day for an hour, is to keep my mood steady and maintain my mental health. I have found that this works better than anything else to keep me motivated, positive, and kind. (My husband certainly appreciates the last part.) Since we moved to Chicago last year, I've built it as a regular habit and I'm pleased at that. It's been challenging to build that habit in the past and it's fantastic to have found a gym where the classes are engaging and challenging. AKA I don't hate exercising, it's a joy rather than a slog. I've noticed some muscles growing, some strength and conditioning gains, and that's cool. However, lately as I've said, these feelings of loneliness. Backstory: this gym is small, and people are here o
I'm not writing anything new here, nothing that hasn't been thought of before. But I think it's significant when a person realizes for herself what it really means to believe in a God who is infinite and creates and maintains a universe with infinite space and time. The feeling is similar to the one that I get--fear--when I think about the fact that I must one day cease to live as I know it and enter a new form of existence--or none at all. As a Christian, I am expected to insist without doubt that what follows life is heaven and eternal dwelling with God. However, to do this myself would constitute intellectual dishonesty. Thus, I align myself with these beliefs but cannot eradicate completely the abysmally discomforting uncertainty that must lurk behind this most comforting answer to this most fundamental of questions. Thus...the fear. Although fear is a woefully inadequate word for this feeling. "Abject terror" comes a little closer to the feeling. "