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Personal Statement, draft 5

I would appreciate any feedback you all may have :)


I have wanted to be a lawyer for a very long time.


I have experienced some things in my life so far. I draw on these experiences with each new endeavor. I think about these advantages as get ready to start law school.


I am a member of the United States Army National Guard.


I took 20 weeks of mentally and physically rigorous initial training, which I completed with highest compliments from peers and supervisors alike. One Drill Sergeant commented as I left the training facility, that it is a shame that such an excellent soldier is National Guard and not full-time Regular Army. I beat out 21 males and 6 females for the top spot in the 10-week vehicle maintenance course I took.


I spent the whole of 2004 in Iraq with a transportation company of 120 soldiers; only 14 were female. I know how to thrive in a male-dominated environment.


My job in Iraq was to liaise with and supervise groups of Iraqi workers, most of whom did not speak English. I guided them through security procedures and interacted with them with an eye to improving relations between our countries, even though this was not a popular practice with my fellow soldiers at the time. After six months I had learned to write and read Arabic, and to communicate effectively with the workers.


The weather ranged from a chilly 28° to an almost unbreathable 128°F, in which I had to walk miles wearing a 26 lb flak vest, 3 lb Kevlar helmet, 3L of water, and an 8 lb rifle. I know how to keep going even when it is not easy.


I celebrated my 20th birthday in a dining facility there, alone and thankful to be alive. I know how to self-motivate.


I started a 6-piece band while I was there, and we played once a week to a small crowd, with two larger concerts during the year for our fellow soldiers. The larger one drew over 2,000 participants from within the multinational base in Al-Taji. We would practice twice a week even in the months when we were under constant mortar fire and threat of attack. I know how to rise above my circumstances.


In the years since, my National Guard career has advanced while I continue my civilian life. I was promoted to Sergeant (E-5) in 2006 at age 22, after only 3 years of service.


My bachelor degree has been 5 years in the making.


After returning from basic training in 2003, I started college. I had almost completed the first semester before I was called to serve my country. Despite coming home in the middle of a semester, having already missed 2, I returned to school in Fall 2005 and will graduate in 2009 with an English degree and a Spanish minor.


I carry 16 to 17 units per semester, never content to do the minimum. Instead of an easier math course, I took calculus to fulfill the GE requirement. Instead of an easier physical science course, I took physics in my first semester. Instead of stopping my study of Spanish at the minimum, I chose to advance my knowledge of this second language. I do these things because I believe strongly in taking advantage of every opportunity to learn something.


My upbringing prepared me to face unique challenges.


When I was 5, my parents decided they wanted to become Bible translators in Nairobi, Kenya. My dad quit his well-paid job as a software engineer and sold our house in LA. We all started learning Swahili, and went to Oregon, then Texas, then back to California, so my parents could attend linguistics training. We got rid of most of our possessions, and at one point were, a family of 5, living on about $25,000 a year. We went without beds for years because we didn’t want to be troubled with furniture. We would go from church to church and house to house drumming up support for our cause. I remember these times as some of the happiest of my life, even though we never made it to Africa. I know what it takes to live for what I believe in.


From 1993-1997, my brother, sister and I were home-schooled, mostly self-directed. The curriculum was literature- and research-based, allowing us ample time and inspiration to explore the things that interested us most. When we returned to traditional school, we were significantly ahead of our peers.



With my well-rounded background, Mexican-Czechoslovakian-British heritage, experiences as a woman in male-dominated arenas, and knowledge of so many cultures, I will bring a wholly unique perspective to the study of law. I will bring my expectation of challenges, in and far beyond law school. I will bring a confidence born of hard-earned lessons. Above all, I will bring the unwavering commitment I have brought to everything else I have accomplished thus far.

Comments

Eric said…
It's hard for me to be critical. This is very well written. Your experiences in Iraq made me want to cry -- sorrow at your hardship and pride in how you handled yourself. You write concisely and forcefully.

I'm glad our missionary efforts were good for you. I know it wasn't always the easiest. I hope that part about no beds doesn't sound too much like child abuse -- you had soft places to sleep, just no furniture elevating you off the ground. I don't know how to say all that without being awkward.

The bed thing is all that really stood out to me, and it's really minor. I really like what you've written. Perhaps real writers like Don and Robin can offer a more objective critique. (Did I use "real" enough :-)
Unknown said…
I totally agree with Eric. You definitely write with a maturity, clarity and impact that makes me extremely proud that you are my granddaughter! I don't know how any law school could turn you down after reading this, because I would think that they are looking for self-directed, original thinking, and mature students.
I do have a couple of comments on rewording. In your sentence about having some experiences, you could say "unique things" or "things out of the ordinary" to make it different from everyone else who has experiences.
The other place that I want to comment on is where you used the term "Czechoslovakian". It could be just "Czech".Your great grandfather, my father-in-law, was very definite that they were Czech and not Slovak, but I really don't think that it makes that big a difference. Also, if you want to add some more ethnic groups, my background is English, Scottish, and Irish, but British covers it.
My prayers are with you for acceptance at all the law schools of your choice. Best wishes and good luck along with a lot of love!
Unknown said…
Sarah, from my prospective this writing is informative and insightful. You revealed some very interesting elements about yourself. I am impressed that you held the position as liaise in Iraq and learning the Arabic language in six months that is amazing!
I would like to see a bit more elaboration on the self-motivated statement.
Also, I would like to hear you play some day. I’m so used to seeing you study in your spare time. I’d like the experience of watching you do something for fun.
We’re praying for you girl.
Darlene

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